


My Angel Is The Centerfold

by Lamia of the Dark (VisceraNight)



Category: Hellsing
Genre: But not really romance, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-23 13:06:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15606954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisceraNight/pseuds/Lamia%20of%20the%20Dark
Summary: After posing nude for a magazine, Alucard gets an angry phone call from his long-distance boyfriend.





	My Angel Is The Centerfold

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a challenge.
> 
> prompt: scandal
> 
> For best results, blast [[this]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqDjMZKf-wg) while reading. :D

~ My Angel Is The Centerfold ~

Alexander Anderson was not having a good day. He'd caught some of the older teen boys with pornographic magazines, and after confiscating the materials and lecturing the children about the sin of lust, he'd thrown the magazines straight into the trashcan, where such filth belonged.

But one of them hit the rim awkwardly and flopped onto the floor. Anderson leaned down and picked it up by one corner, not realizing that allowing the pages to flap freely as he lifted it up would cause the centerfold to unfurl itself.

Anderson barely glanced at the picture as he folded it back up, but that one glance was enough for him to recognize  _Alucard_ , even though the vampire was in a female form in the photo.

* * *

Alucard was not happy to be awakened in the middle of the day. Although, to be fair, whoever was knocking on his coffin didn't seem particularly pleased at the moment either...

He pushed the lid open a crack and was greeted by the sight of a glaring Integra, who shoved a cell phone at him and said, "It's your  _boyfriend_."

"What's he calling at this time of day for?" Alucard grumbled.

"I don't know," Integra snapped, shoving the phone at the vampire. "Ask him yourself."

Alucard sighed and reached out to take the cell phone. Before he even had a chance to utter a greeting, he was assaulted by Anderson's voice from the other end of the line.

"Why the hell did you have your picture taken for pornographic magazines?"

"How did you find out about that?" Alucard asked, not bothering to answer the question.

"I saw it!"

"Wait... why were you looking at nudie mags? Aren't you supposed to be a priest?"

"I caught some of the teenagers smuggling them into the orphanage, but that's beside the point! Why would you  _do_  such a thing?"

"Hellsing needed a new helicopter and we were low on funds."

"And you felt it necessary to  _sell your_   _body_?"

"They're just pictures!"

"Of your naked body!"

"Form means nothing to me..."

"And does our relationship mean nothing to you?"

"What, it's not like we have sex anyway... I respect your vows to the church, so you should be able to respect my personal choices about what I do with my body."

Anderson fell silent and for a few long moments Alucard laid there just listening to the sharp, angry exhalations of breath as the priest valiantly attempted to reign in his temper. Then a thought struck the vampire and he couldn't resist voicing it aloud.

"Wait..." Alucard said slowly. "You confiscated the magazine from some of your orphans? That means you caught your kids _yanking it_ to pictures of _your secret vampire boyfriend!_ Oh, that is rich!"

Anderson slammed the receiver down, cutting off the sound of the vampire's riotous laughter.

~end~


End file.
